Worse yet... "can't you be a little more sexy?" That's the one that aggravated me the most. I wanted to keep my integrity. Being an author is a cruel business; it's not something that lets you squeak by on "good enough." If you can't move copies of your work-- or draw eyes, if we're talking about the latest forms of digital media-- you're forced out.After losing my legs in the industry, I tried refocusing myself, but for a newbie with no experience who's been turned down that many times, there's no good writing jobs, even in news or non-fiction writing. My dream job had gone down the toilet, not because I was lazy or unmotivated, but because I wouldn't align my views with what the world wanted. That's how I saw it, anyway."Aaaah... That's a sort of an egotistic way of looking at it, isn't it? I find that this world is give and take."The interviewer had suddenly become a lot less mild-mannered... That forwardness of his and that pitying smile, like he was asking why I hadn't figured. Along with my furor over Miller's behavior, I was also stunned at what I had just accomplished. I had sent my consciousness all the way across the street, and exerted some kind of mind control over an ant! On top of all the anger and wonder, I felt a wave of guilt. I had been spying on people I considered my friends. My parents had raised me better than that— but I couldn't help myself. I just had to know what was going on!The emotions were swirling around like a hurricane in my head. I stopped pacing and sat down at my desk."Why do you guys only help when I'm sad?" I asked the ants as they scurried about. "I could use some calming down right now."Anger protects the colony. There is no need for sad."Okay, that sort of makes sense," I mused. Perhaps they equated anger with the conviction required to defend their nest from predators. "But now another question: Why don't you talk more?"This time my question went unanswered. "Well, if this anger is going to be worth keeping, I guess I.
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